Dear Xanga,

It's been a really long time since I've spoken to you. I don't think anybody reads this so I guess I'm pretty safe posting here. There's something about putting this out for everybody to see but knowing nobody will read it that makes me feel better. I am a flight attendant, a Christian flight attendant. I'm in love with the Lord and I am still a virgin. I'm saving myself for my husband no matter how long it takes. I've been a flight attendant for a year and it's also been one of the hardest struggles I've ever had. Most, not all, but most of the people in my little world (it's like living in a bubble) do not seek the heart of the Lord. They do not know what it is to sneak away in the middle of the night because they're hearts cannot sleep for the longing of their souls to commune with the Lord. Not only this but they drink, heavily. They sleep around and talk about it all the time. My ears are not as innocent as they once were. It makes me long for the days of Teen Mania when my bubble was completely different. It was full of people who LOOONGED for the heart of God. Sometimes I want out of this bubble and other times I find myself getting fairly comfortable in it. I know I'm supposed to be in it but not of it and everytime I pray for permission to leave it I get told that this is my tribe and I am their missionary. In being their missionary I feel it is ok for me to social drink and I find it is quite a testimony that I have the control to keep myself from getting drunk. I'm not afraid to share the fact that I am still a virgin and this is such a testimony as well. Everybody I have talked to that is not married has said they wish desperately they could go back and not have given it up.

More later...

Teen Mania friends awaken the CrEaTiVe side of me